How did the world come apart?
Did the mountains break apart into the sea?
How old is the sand?
How many millions of years have our feet walked here?
I am neither old nor young.
It is never too late and yet
More urgent than ever.
The palm trees reach up and out like great stars.
My legs are knee deep in the ocean;
Am I ready to keep going?
Can I take up as much space as the sky?
Will I give myself that liberty? That freedom?
That love?
I want to tell you about the stillness at the centre of my being.
I want to tell you what happens when I listen close;
When I pause long enough for the tears to come,
Long enough to feel the warm sun on my skin,
To notice the light in the trees,
The smell of autumn, damp leaves and chill, on the morning air.
I want to tell you what happens
When your hands press gently
Against my collarbones,
Your thumb along my temples,
Your forehead against my back.
I want to tell you how I find myself
When my centre has gone missing;
When the noise of the world grows loud,
When I feel lost inside and about myself.
There are many roads back to stillness;
Quiet paths, strewn with fallen leaves,
Smooth stones, and fresh tears.
How long till I awaken?
How long will it take me to come home?
All my life I have been
A slave to self doubt —
The unseeing eyes
Of myself, the world.
But the sparrow knows her own song;
The eagle her own strength,
Trusts her wide, strong wings,
Keen eyes and noble heart
To carry her on the winds,
Find what she needs
And carry her all the way back home.
Amidst the brush and the birdsong,
The Franklins pecking at our front door
And the white nose starling perched in the tree
In the middle of the morning and
In the waning hours of the afternoon
In and around it all, we are here:
Mother, daughter, darling, father
The four of us cradled by moon song
And starlight.
A year ago we waited patiently
You came to us
Like the sun rising up from a sleepy sky
Light piercing through the mist
The whole horizon changing from
Pale blue to fiery orange,
Pinks and purples illuminating the sky
Wrapping us like honey and love.
You woke something ancient inside me;
Some old love, sparked by your gentle light.
When your sister arrived, amidst a rainstorm,
The whole world opened inside me,
A rainfall or avalanche,
My heart tumbling into my throat,
Landing between my ribs,
Flooding me, changing my life.
And now it has changed again.
Holding you in the morning light of those early days,
Both of us wrapped in the soft bubble of your new life,
I cradled you against my breast
Tears in my eyes, I told you I loved you, knowing
That this love would carry me home.
(For Maya on her first birthday.)
